Understanding Men & LieSpotting

      1. Listen to the Woman - Ric Size


Listen to the Woman mp3     RS: guitar & vocals;  TomP: percussion & production; Craig Roy: bass;   Rachel Decker: chanteuse


Men: Read this & speak up Women: Listen

Men: Read this & speak up!
Women: Listen

Dr. Warren Farrell’s Myth of Male Power lecture notes:

We objectify what rejects us.
Therefore men see women as sex objects, and women see men as wallets.
It is easier to be rejected by this, than by a thoughtful and caring person.

Reflexive male-protector role
Men as a group take the most dangerous jobs, work the longest hours at their career, and die 7 years younger.
For men: obligation, sacrifice, and powerlessness is called “power.”
This is the myth of male power.

Power is actually the ability to control one’s life.
Both sexes have roles, which is not power.
To achieve true power, one must move past survival into self-fulfilment.

Stage 1: Survival
Stage 2: Self-fulfilment

What is functional for Stage 1 survival, is often dysfunctional for Stage 2 self-fulfilment.
That’s why 97% of us come from dysfunctional families, as our parents came from the survival stage.
Our parents worked and freed us to be able to ask & explore a whole set of questions, which they never had a chance to address.
For that, they deserve our gratitude & understanding.

Many middle-class women have moved beyond survival into self-fulfilment, because they have been given the opportunity for self-examination, by men who sacrificed for them.
Men largely still struggle to survive, as they don’t understand their feelings or what the problem is.
This is because they completely sacrificed themselves to their career, and don’t know how to love at home.

Women head-of-households have 141% greater net-worth, as compared to male head-of-households, as of 1994.
Most of the improvement between the sexes is that women now have more options.
Men are still largely programmed into a 1950’s male-protector role.
The change towards true gender equality & transformation can start in any place: with the man or the woman; high and low.

Women expect economic responsibility to be taken care of by men.
Men fear taking on the extra economic responsibility.

ALL heterosexual men are addicted to young, beautiful women.
ALL women covet the economic security & freedom provided by the rich, successful male.

Work is defined as: sacrificing oneself to the workplace, so one can have a better life outside of it.
Work is fulfilling, but can’t be just self-fulfilment; otherwise we would pay to go to work, instead of the other way around.

The pressure on ALL men, is the pressure to succeed.
Men must ignore intimacy to succeed.
Men don’t talk intimately with other men, because it exposes vulnerabilities, which hurts his chances of career success.
Therefore men put all their emotional eggs into the basket of women.

Blacks came from slavery, making their white owners wealthy– that is their unique heritage.
Native American males were destroyed.
Embracing diversity means empathizing, listening and feeling.

Women can’t hear what men don’t say.
Women must provide a safe atmosphere for sharing, otherwise men won’t share.

Men as wallets, women as sex objects, minorities as servants, etc… is a failed paradigm.
The adversarial relationship paradigm, between male patriarchy & female matriarchy, is unhealthy & destructive.
We need gender-transition equality, which embraces diversity and seeks to understand.

When the man has to pay for a gorgeous date, he’s paying for the difference between what he’s worth and what she’s worth.
Men pay for dates 95-97% of the time, at the best restaurants, (minus anniversaries and birthdays) according to maîtres d’hôtel & servers.
Men generally take the expectation of asking out, paying, and the sexual initiative.

The selection of men as protectors by women, with nuclear technology, has to potential to kill us all.
The most successful man at work, learns skills which are inversely proportional to loving at home.

The selection of the beautiful young doll by men, reinforces women as objects who don’t: carry their own, communicate effectively, or value inner beauty.
Our genetic heritage is in conflict with our genetic future.
Our challenge as a species is to adapt to Stage 2– self-fulfilment.
Species that don’t adapt, go extinct.

Socially codified prostitution isn’t working for either sex. Feminism has freed 3-5% of women, who have learned to carry their own & understand men, by listening.  95-97% of females, still expect men to meet their economic needs. In other words, they still expect men to pay for sex & love; the difference being now– this woman is her own pimp. That’s her ’empowerment.’

A real woman, carries her own responsibilities; happily sharing in the work & love. Men need to have realistic expectations & limits, in regards to the age and level of beauty of their prospective mate. Men over-rate their attractiveness, as a survival reflex to protect their ego and obtain the most sex, with the most-beautiful women.  All of us need to get past survival thinking, which means men must stop lying about themselves; and women need to stop lying to protect others, in exchange for economic security.

Men:  Seek a comparably attractive woman, with who you are compatible. Ideal ‘types’ will be your age & level of attractiveness, who listen and seek to understand you.  Improve your own health & beauty (as well as hers!), through the healing power of love.  It’s all quite scientific. [link]

Women:  This world we live in, has been built by men.  Men do the dangerous & dirty work (except for prostitution), and work longer hours– that’s why they are better paid.  All of this is to provide protection & comfort– to women & their children.  Virtually all the great art was made by men, inspired by and made for, women. The same is true with literature, science, technology, and most of the physical marvels that have benefited human existence. Women owe men their love & gratitude for ALL their sacrifices through the ages, and know they can depend on men to get it done in the future.

Women are correct when they object to being treated as prized-property.  Men object to be treated as disposable property. When both men & women learn to listen, respect, and assist each other; that becomes mutual conditional love, which is what homo sapiens must adapt to, in order to survive.


Pamela Meyer’s LieSpotting lecture notes:

ALL of us are liars.

The reason we lie is because a it bridges the gap between who we want to be, and who we actually are.

Lie-spotting is not about, “Gotcha!”
Lie-spotters are armed with scientific methods to spot deception.
They use it to get to the truth, and ultimately build trust.

Truth #1: Lying is a cooperative act.
A lie’s power is not in its utterance, but in when someone else agrees to believe it.

We are most likely to be deceived over what we desire most.
If you don’t want to be deceived, you need to know what you’re hungry for.

On a given day, the average person is lied to 10-200 times.
Many of those are white lies, used to maintain the dignity of others & social norms, and can be seen as relatively harmless.
However, strangers lie to each other (on average) 3 times within the first 10 minutes of meeting.

Men lie more about themselves.
Women lie to protect others.

Married couples lie to each other in 1 out of 10 interactions.
Non-married couples lie to each other in 1 out of 3 interactions.

Truth #2: We are against lying… but are covertly for it.
It’s part of our history & genetic heritage– ex. Shakespeare, the Bible, the Nightly News, etc…
The larger the neocortex, the more likely it is to be deceptive.
Lying is a survival instinct.

We live in a post-truth society.
Trained lie-spotters get to the truth 90% of the time; the rest, only 54% of the time.
Some people are better at lying than others.
There are no original liars, we all use the same methods and make the same mistakes.

Pattern #1: Verbal Dodging
Non-contracted denial– people who are determined to lie will resort to formal, instead of informal language (Bill Clinton, “I DID NOT have sex with that woman”, etc).
Distancing language– liars will unconsciously distance themselves from the subject, using language as their tool  (Bill Clinton again, “…that woman“).
Qualifying language– (“in all honesty”, “to tell you the truth”, etc…) further discredits the subject towards deception.
Repeating the question in its entirety– ditto above.
Testimony with too much detail– ditto ditto.

Pattern #2: Body Language Tells
We all chatter with our fingertips.
Liars are known to freeze their upper bodies while being deceptive.
Liars will look you in the eye, a little too much, overcompensating for the myth that they won’t look at you.

A true smile is in the eyes.
You can consciously contract the muscles around your mouth, but not your eyes.

Look for the ‘hot spots’ to find the discrepancies between words and actions.
Attitude is the biggest tell of all; are they being cooperative?
An honest person will be on your side, enthusiastically helping to solve the problem.
An honest person will be infuriated, during the entire interview (not just in flashes), if they are accused of deception.
An honest person is more likely to recommend strict, not lenient punishment.

Conversely, a deceptive person will pause, look down, and lower their voice during an interview.
They will add extraneous details and tell their story in strict chronological order.
Professional lie-spotters will ask them to repeat their story backwards, then observe the red flags for deception in their gestures.

Red flag indicators include:
1) Saying “Yes,” while shaking our heads “No.”
2) Telling a convincing story, then shrugging our shoulders.
3) Duping delight.

Anger can be healthy; but when it turns to contempt, you’ve been dismissed.
It’s associated with moral superiority, and is very hard to recover from.
Contempt is marked by one lip corner pulled up & in, and is the only asymmetrical facial expression.
In the presence of contempt, say “No,” and leave the room ASAP.

Contempt looks like this:

Dick Cheney

These behaviors by themselves don’t always indicate deception, but if red flags appear in clusters, then suspicion of lying must be aroused.
These cues must be followed up, with further questioning & lie-spotting to determine the truth.
Look, listen, probe; ask hard questions.
Leave that comfortable mode of ‘knowing’ and walk into curiosity.
Have dignity and establish rapport.
Don’t interrogate aggressively–it doesn’t work.

Character is who you are in the dark.

We live in a much noisier world than our parents; with blogs, social media, texting, etc…
Over-sharing is not honesty.
The subtleties of human decency, character & honesty, are what truly matter.
In this noisier world, it makes sense to be more explicit about our moral code.

The science of lie-spotting, combined with the art of looking & listening, exempts us from collaborating in a lie.
This leads to a shift towards recognizing truth and marginalizing falsehood, which strengthens our world around us.
That’s the truth.


Darryl Hamilton’s Death & Feminism

Darryl Hamilton hit at the top of the order, and played all across the outfield for the Milwaukee Brewers from 1988-1995.  He was a huge fan favorite, an affable and humble man.  His career batting line of .291/.360/.385 made him valuable for his OBP, but a liability for his lack of power.  He wasn’t a true centerfielder, although he was often pressed into playing CF because the Brewers needed him to.  It’s also worth mentioning that in the PED-era, no one ever wondered if Darryl Hamilton was juicing, because he obviously wasn’t.

As a fan, I liked Darryl Hamilton because he always seemed happy: playing, practicing, warming up, batting practice, during the game, during interviews, etc….  He never ducked the media (he actually welcomed it), as a part of a young Brewers core that could have won a World Series– if they had been managed decently.

Darryl Hamilton

Hamilton came up as a prospect in the Brewers organization with 3B Gary Sheffield, and while they looked alike to many of the racist die-hards who still only cheered for CF Robin Yount and DH Paul Molitor, they were completely different in style and character.

Sheffield was brash and outspoken, with unbelievable bat speed and power.  By the end of 1991, Brewers management under owner Bud Selig and GM’s Harry Dalton & Sal Bando, had so frustrated the young Sheffield over the course of his first four seasons, that they felt compelled to trade him away.

In return for a 23-year old Hall of Fame slugger (career– 22 seasons, .292/.393/.514); the Brewers received RHP gopher-baller Ricky Bones, quadruple-A outfielder Matt Mieske, and utility infielder Jose Valentin (career 16 seasons, .243/.301/.373) from the San Diego Padres.

Darryl Hamilton stayed behind and was quiet, steady and effective; at the plate and in the outfield.  The Brewers of that era had a crowded outfield situation, complicated by the insistence of management that Robin Yount (in decline) be given priority, over younger talent including Hamilton, LF Greg Vaughn,  OF/DH Dante Bichette, and C/3B B.J.Surhoff– who needed to be moved to the outfield.

Yount was approaching the 3000-hit milestone, always a bonanza for ownership, and was given disproportionate playing time (which hurt the team’s chances to win) in order to reach that goal.  Yount’s line in 1992:  629 PA; .264/325/390.   Only SS Pat Listash (.290/352/.349), and DH Paul Molitor (.320/.389/.461- still their best player) had more PAs.

Of course the biggest reason these Brewers failed was their starting pitching.  Their ace had been LHP Teddy Higuera, who as a rookie in 1985, through 1988 was as good as any pitcher in baseball.  By 1989, his rotator cuff/ labrum became completely torn from the heavy workload, and he was never the same afterwards. Higuera’s last MLB season was in 1994 (1-5, ERA 7.06); after that Señor Smoke pitched in the Mexican leagues for several years.

The Brewers never had a dominant strikeout pitcher after losing Higuera, as their rotation consisted of an endless line of mediocrities including: Jaime Navarro, Bill Wegman, Chris Bosio, Juan Nieves, and Cal Eldred.  The Brewers had nothing resembling an ace, or even a solid #2 starter, until Ben Sheets debuted in 2001.

All this conspired to diminish Darryl Hamilton’s true value in Milwaukee, as the Brewers could never score enough runs to keep up with their poor starting pitching.  Most of Hamilton’s best years were with the Brewers, and yet he only made the post-season after becoming a free agent.

Darryl Hamilton never seemed to have trouble getting a major league contract from winning teams during his free-agent years, making the post-season with the Rangers, Giants, and Mets (twice), before retiring after the 2001 season.  He played 13 MLB seasons in total.

Many Brewers (and baseball) fans, and are now saddened by the news of his tragic & untimely death.

Darryl Hamilton MLB Network

Hamilton was found shot dead at a suburban Houston home, suffering multiple gunshot wounds. Monica Jordan, the mother of their 14-month child, was found dead in another room– apparently a suicide.  Their child was left alive.

The woman reporting for ESPN in this video (Antonietta Collins) is unable to state those facts.  She states this instead:

“MLB is mourning the death of Darryl Hamilton, who was fatally shot.  His girlfriend was also found dead, and according to police of an apparent self-inflicted gun wound.”

Antonietta Collins ESPN TNA

Feminism & post-modernism share the common bond being completely irrational and unhelpful forms of ‘thinking.’  Post-modernism is the male intellectual version of nonsense as ideology; feminism is that form of poison for women.

Both ignore hard and ugly truths.  Darryl Hamilton’s tragic death is a high-profile celebrity murder, for which feminism has no answers, precisely because their stock answer is to hysterically blame men for all violence.

The answers to these bizarre & horrible crimes, which are now the new normal, is for mankind to use science in all fields; in order to shout down and overwhelm these destructive ideologies & stereotypes, which have been forced upon all of us since birth.

Obviously society now has a problem with women’s violence towards men.  Why don’t feminists discuss this using a scientific approach?   To not do so, betrays a lack of honesty in intention.

Feminists will throw up smokescreens and run for cover on this until it blows over, as they are organically incapable of any progressive solutions, being tied to the dead-ends of liberalism and the Democratic party.  Most of these ‘thinkers’ can’t even allow themselves to acknowledge that a problem exists.

If this tragedy had been reversed, with Darryl Hamilton killing Monica Jordan– then taking himself; the child would likely be dead too, and the tone from the feminist talk-show hostesses would be sensationalized outrage.  He would be vilified & disgraced, as a heartless coward.

When it is, what it is– it gets marginalized.


My Life in Corporate Dental

Corporate dental mushroomed in the late 1990’s, as equity investors poured hot money into creating today’s major dental chains; among the biggest– Aspen, Coast, Christie, Heartland, and Kool Smiles.
None of these equity investor/owners, have a doctorate in dental medicine or surgery.

Before this phenomenon, the law was very clear– one had to be a licensed dentist to own a dental practice.
This allowed dental licensing boards to discipline against malpractice.
Equity investors never get sued for malpractice, even though they are directly responsible for much of it in these corporate dental offices. [1]  [1a]

How is a corporate dental chain allowed to legally operate without a dentist owner?

Aspen Dental, is actually called Aspen Dental Management, Inc (ADMI).
Whenever pressed legally or in an interview, ADMI claims they simply manage the offices for the dentists, so doctors can concentrate on treating  patients instead of running a practice. [2]  All of corporate dental is based on the ridiculous premise that running an office can be separated from the dentistry.  Of course it’s money, not arguments that rule the day.

Aspen Propaganda

My alter ego worked for nearly a year at Aspen Dental, and became intimately familiar with how they operate.  I was employed through a temporary agency, which kept me from being locked into a contractual obligation with Aspen, allowing flexibility in dealing with their corporate nonsense.  In my time with them, I would regularly have to stop working for them when frustration set in, take a few weeks off (or work somewhere else), then go in again for awhile.  I needed the work, and it turned out to be quite an experience.

In the end, all these corporate dental chains are the same, a hopeless proposition for the dentist, as a large part of what they are doing is designed to crush the doctor’s spirit.

For instance, in most Aspen Dental locations, there is no private office for the doctor.  This is exceptional in the field of dentistry, and by design– to diminish the importance of the doctor in front of patients, staff, and management.

ALL doctors needs a private office to isolate themselves from distractions, in order to think clearly when making patient notes, considering treatment options, prescribing medications, etc… Aspen Dental considers this to be of secondary importance.

The office manager (OM) runs the office, and typically has no dental experience, but instead a strong background in sales.  They get a private office, which is used for the all-important closing-of-the-deal with new patients.  It’s hard-sell tactics at the top-producing offices, with a huge push towards third-party financing, such as CareCredit.

Getting paid upfront by a third-party is a vital part of their profitability.  Whenever possible, the whole treatment plan is charged out immediately after the OM closes on a patient.  Sometimes the work is never done, and reimbursements to the patient have to go through a lengthy corporate review in New York.  Other patients never get their money back, or end up with unpayable/oppressive debt.  All these dental credit cards have exorbitant interest rates, which can be applied retroactively if a payment is missed.  Many patients are very confused, by the time they are through with the office manager at Aspen Dental.

Problems occur in medicine & dentistry (which are the same thing), when doctors have little/no control over the schedule, and are forced to wear roller-skates to meet corporate-imposed production goals.  All these chains target low-income communities, where dentists have to work harder, for lower reimbursement under the insurance plans they accept.  This unquestionably causes malpractice dentistry to occur at a much higher rate. [2]
No doctor welcomes an increased risk of losing their license, but often ADMI compels its dentists into negligence, just to make production goals; under the implied threat of being fired.

My professional experiences with ADMI included one particularly unscrupulous office manager, whom I caught changing a treatment plan of mine– to include more extractions.  The changes had been written in (unbeknownst to me), on my treatment plan with my signature at the bottom.  Any auditor looking at the chart (always paper) would have thought those were my treatment recommendations.  After calling the OM out on this, I was blown off, then fired from the assignment at the end of the next day.  Happens all the time in corporate.

Aspen Dental- Immediate Denture Case

Human Dentition

The radiographs above are a rubber-meets-the-road example of the ethical dilemma dentists are constantly being placed in at Aspen Dental.  This patient (40 Yrs/W/M) has oral hygiene & decay issues, with fairly healthy bone– despite the early periodontal disease.  The first time I saw him (and the x-rays), he was scheduled for full extractions upper & lower, with immediate dentures already made.  That’s a lot of production.

On the maxillary (top) arch, teeth #4 and #6-11 were healthy– some needed small fillings. Tooth # 13 needed a buildup & crown. The patient didn’t want any root canals, so the rest needed to be extracted.  The top teeth were his priority.

All the remaining mandibular (lower) teeth (except decayed root tips– #21 & 29) were easily salvageable with root planing, and good oral hygiene follow-up.  The critical canine tooth #22, needed an easy root canal, then a crown.  Patients change their minds on routine procedures like root canals, when doctors earn their trust.

The patient could then be fitted for partial dentures in both arches, which is always better than full dentures– if they are motivated.  The patient expressed his desire to keep as many teeth as he could, considering his limited financial resources.  A new treatment plan was made up for fillings, extractions & partial dentures, which cost the patient about the same as extractions & immediate dentures.

The patient left the office very discouraged and confused.  This updated treatment plan was much better for the patient, but required much more work by the dentist & staff– for the same or less money.  I wasn’t part of that conversation.  A few weeks later when I returned to the office, I was told by a staff member that this patient had all his teeth removed & immediate dentures.

This is a typical schedule at Aspen Dental:

Aspen Days

This was my first day at this location, which is why the names of the staff are handwritten at the bottom.  Each white-out represents a patient.   There are three columns, the left is “Production”, the middle is “New Patient (NP) Exams”, and the right is “Overflow.”

“Production” means fillings, extractions, and crown & bridge; which make the money.  Aspen Dental advertises free exams & x-rays for all new patients, so the NP column is always full.  The free new patient exam is the hook that brings in new production. Aspen will charge the patient’s insurance for the NP exam & x-rays, if allowed.

“Overflow” is anything to do with dentures, partials, post-op exams, adjustments, impressions, relines, bite registrations, or any other general complaint.  Since Aspen specializes in dentures (60% of their income), this column overflows fast and hits hard.  Dentists are expected to see 30-40 patients/day, as a minimum, which is probably what I saw on that day.

To their credit, this was one of the better Aspen Dental offices I worked in, largely due to the above-average staff.  The problem comes with employee turnover, which is constant. I worked in this office for the better part of two months, and two of their employees were already gone by the time I left.  They both took better jobs in private practice.  Aspen Dental has Tuesday hours of 11 AM – 8 PM (shown above), which is universally reviled among its workers.

Here is an example of their metrics report card, which everyone (from receptionist to dentist to regional/territorial manager) looks at daily:

Aspen Report Card

The most important line to corporate is the top one: Avg of Monthly Revenue & Deposit.  This office (Gainesville) is at >110% of the target goal, so they get an “A+” in this column, which counts 30% of the total grade. No other metric counts more than 10%.

Notice how some metrics are so far off the scale as to be meaningless. For instance, look at the 90-Day Online Review Ratings.  A “B” rating for Aspen is an average ranging from 4.50-4.59, with anything lower than that being a “C”.   Their average online rating is 2.0.  Incidentally, this office was on pace to receive a $100 bonus/employee at the end of the month, with a composite “B” grade.

Here’s what their report card looked like, after I was in St. Augustine for a few weeks:

Aspen St. Augustine-- Report Card

The staff each earned a $200 bonus that month.

Incidentally, this Aspen location used a rotation of temporary dentists for over six months, up until the time I left the company.  Aspen Dental simply can’t sign up enough of their own dentists to permanently fill their vacancies– because of their reputation.

Temp doctors are not paid bonuses, and are always employed though a middleman agency, which keeps a healthy percentage for itself.   It’s all kept very secretive.  Today, the fill-in dentist pay-rate for Aspen Dental is $600/day, plus hotel and long-distance mileage expenses.

Aspen Dental--Words to live by

Aspen’s regional & territorial managers will visit every office biweekly, or so.  Their function is to hammer home Aspen Dental propaganda, while deflecting any serious employee complaints or issues.  Their favorite slogan seems to be:  “There’s no ‘I’ in Aspen.”

My favorite Aspen Dental slogan? —  “As dental professionals, the last thing we want to do is sugarcoat anything.”

As stated earlier, management is strictly sales, there is virtually no dental experience at the upper levels.  Upon their arrival (which seems to always be preceded with great fanfare), regional managers take over an office of their choice, close the doors; and what’s next is anyone’s guess?  It certainly has little to do with communication, or helping the doctor and the staff.

Necessary equipment & supplies are often of poor quality, and in shortage.  Basic tools such as an electrosurgery unit or laser, are not available.   Of course, this should be expected in an company that employs so little dental knowledge & experience.

Bob Fontana-- ADMI CEO

Corporate dentistry has circumvented long-established legal requirements, with a few shell ‘dentist owners’ wherever needed, along with an effective propaganda campaign which has largely confused dentists & the consumer public.
Most working dentists don’t really understand how corporate dental operates.

The American Dental Association (ADA), misrepresents over 200,000 US dentists (and their $100 million in annual dues), by throwing poison into its constituents eyes; publishing puff-piece features & interviews which promote a model that clearly fails to meet the professional standard-of care– in ethics, practice, and legality.
Its monthly organ, the ADA News regularly runs corporate dental advertising, promising great careers with great pay; when they well-know precisely the opposite is true.
The ADA headquarters in Chicago, is a bastion of graft and backroom dealing; with insurance giants, equipment suppliers, management companies, etc…all in on the action.

ADA & Aspen Dental

The dirty secret is: the ADA is partnered with these equity investors and corporate giants, at the expense of their dues-paying members– wet-gloved dentists.
Colleagues who are ADA diehards, constantly claim that dentists need to join & pay up for their “advocacy.”
Whenever someone asks, “What is the exact position the ADA is advocating?”, their response becomes vague assertions and dull platitudes.

What has happened in dentistry is a microcosm of the modern capitalist economy in its death throes, largely characterized by its brazen lawlessness & parasitic nature.  A relatively handful of people, who have nothing to do with creating quality dentistry, are siphoning money from dentists, staff members, and patients.  The workers work harder for less, and the patients pay more– all to enrich the few who do nothing helpful.  Meaningful change only happens when the people on the short end realize they deserve better.